#but like. i got to just be alone a majority of the day
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bekolxeram · 3 days ago
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Everyone decides to be sad about Tommy spending the holidays alone today. I just want to say, I hate you all. Especially @mmso-notlikethat with this post. As payback for making me cry my way into insomnia, I wrote this on my phone instead of sleeping.
By the time he knocks on the door, Tommy still has no idea what to expect. “Wear something nice, we’re celebrating tonight,” that’s the only instruction he’s received from Evan, his boyfriend once again. Tommy can’t help but smile at the mere thought of finally allowing himself to say that name.
He has a burgundy dress shirt on with a pair of light grey slim fit pants. Simple, but elegant, hopefully properly dressed for this undisclosed commemoration. March is not known for its holidays, so what’s the occasion that calls for such festivity? They did meet last March at the cruise ship rescue, maybe that was it? Or perhaps Evan is having some sort of career advancement? They’ve been back together for just a few weeks, there’s simply not enough time for Tommy to catch up on Evan’s ever so eventful life. To that, Tommy silently mourn the time they’ve lost, due to his own cowardice.
“Hey — Hey,” Evan takes a step outside of the door to greet Tommy with a quick peck on the lips. Tommy lets the younger man drag him into the loft without much reaction, because he’s still confused by the sight in front of him: Evan in his usual navy blue button up, dark jeans and… a Christmas hat?
Inside the loft is a jumble of sparkly festive decorations. To his left, he sees “Happy Birthday Tommy”; to his right, “Merry Christmas”; and deeper into the living space, “Happy New Year”.
“Jee and Mara helped setting these up,” Evan says while taking half of a roast turkey out of the oven. “This one is from Bobby. He said half a bird is enough for the two of us, if we don’t want to suffer through leftover for the next 7 days.” He then sets the tray next to some roasted vegetables and a casserole. “The casserole is from Chimney, but I’m pretty sure it’s Maddie’s recipe. Hen got you a cake. I think she said something about being sure you would like it. We can have it for dessert. Oh, and the champagne is from…”
“Eddie, because he can’t cook.” Tommy cuts in.
“Exactly!”
“Evan, what’s going on here?”
Evan steps closer, taking both of Tommy’s hands into his own, “You told me the other day that you spent your 40th birthday alone… I only realized later that you were probably on your own for the entire holiday season, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year, Valentine’s Day. I know it doesn’t come close to the real thing, but I was thinking maybe we could make up for a few key moments that we missed.” He dims the lights in the loft with a remote control and fiddles with something on the dining table. Suddenly, the whole room is lit up with colorful patterns and twinkling stars. “I couldn’t get any firework around here, so I borrowed this star projector from Christopher.”
“Oh… Evan,” Tommy sighs, eyes already hazy with tears.
“I’m not asking you to move in with me or to make major commitments. I’m not asking for anything in return at all. This is… a promise, from me to you. No matter what happens, what becomes of us in the future, I’ll be there when you need me, we all will.”
Evan says earnestly, with utmost conviction in his tone. The clarity in his eyes reminds Tommy of that day at the café terrace, almost a year ago. “I just want you to know, Tommy, you’re no longer alone.”
A few drops of tears escape Tommy’s eyes, but before he can respond, Evan pulls out a mistletoe from his pocket and dangles it over their heads.
“You have to kiss me now.” Evan says with a cheeky grin. Tommy waits no time to capture those smiling lips with his own, kissing him with all the love and gratitude in his heart.
“I love you, Evan. I’m so lucky to have you.” Tommy pulls him into a warm embrace.
“I love you too.” Now it’s Evan’s turn to tear up.
Tommy pulls back a little and asks, “hey, would you mind if we celebrate Valentine’s Day first?”
“Oh, you mean you’re interested in the Valentine’s Night activity?”
“Depends on what you have in mind.”
“Come upstairs. I’ll show you.”
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luminatricky · 9 hours ago
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Vampire? In Gotham! (part 1)
Summary: Danny's 19, a prince, a halfa, and tired of being these things. So he jumps on the idea of a vacation as soon he's given the hint of a chance. The only caveat is that he's going to go undercover as a vampire in a big city - Gotham - far from his home dimension. He finds it's easier than he thought it would be. He's already mostly there.
Relationships: Dead on Main (Jason Todd/Danny Fenton), John Constantine & Danny Fenton
Um? Inspired by several prompts and other fanfics. Lost Between Our Needs and Wants AU definitely, with a background Danny's summoned by Ra's as Damian as a sacrifice. Nothing bad happens (to Damian) don't worry. Also, the one in which Danny decided to fight ghosts as a human too.
And John is almost definitely ooc, he's a character I enjoy a lot even though I don't have a firm grasp of his canon.
Danny's afterlife has been way too interesting for way too long. It's gotten to the point that when things suddenly go quiet for months, he hardly hesitates to give his "human" life some over-due attention.
For obvious reasons he's not going to try his "vacation" in his own dimension. Anyone he once might have stayed for know how to get a hold of him, whenever and wherever.
The Amity Park portal is still open. But between the stricter laws on ghosts wanting to use permanent portals he managed to get passed, and the increasingly feral ways the townsfolk have begun defending each other with, Danny feels confident to finally...let go. In his heart, he had always thought of it as still his, despite not being there to maintain it in truth. But now it's not his Haunt anymore, fully and completely.
They don't need him anymore.
And Danny doesn't want to be needed like that again, to be honest. He sacrificed so much to play hero because he got it into his head that he had to do everything alone in the end. As if he was the only one who could kick ghost butt on the daily in town.
Thankfully, a nineteen year old Danny is smarter than a fourteen year old Danny. He's learned the art of delegation. Any tasks that he doesn't need to be present for, he has a whole team of ghostly assistants to handle things for him. The major multidimensional crises have for the most part been solved - his protection Obsession at the very least fed. And quite a few skeleton thralls he freed near the beginning of his reign were suddenly looking for direction. Among them, a decent amount found the talent and fulfillment in positions of bureaucratic power that Danny never will, filling up spots he's unwilling to give out like the candy the various ghosts of nobility treat the roles as. Or ghost nobility. Like the Ancients. Quite a few of the Ancients are assholes.
(At least all the murderous Ancients aren't problems anymore)
With all their help, he's able to occasionally pop in to do paperwork, meet with the High Court for various lawmaking and judicial decisions, and listening to official petitions to the Crown from his people. It's all good. No mountains of unseen paperwork, no audience with the Observants every waking moment, no one across the Realms screaming desperately for help. Even some of the cults have finally caught on that he's not Pariah!
So Danny starts the process of finding a new Haunt for his new, normal, alive alter ego. Staying as long as he has in the Realms couldn't have been sustainable long-term if he didn't want to become a full ghost. As complicated as his relationship with his humanity is these days, he still doesn't want to die again. And Frostbite definitely has been pushing him to finding new territory, in the Infinite Realms or otherwise. Because even for full ghosts going Hauntless for long periods is straining. To say the least.
Although, being just a human again...didn't sit right. Even after all this time. His human form is still one Danny Fenton, in his eyes.
He can never be Danny Fenton again. He accepted that his duties as Crown Prince would keep him away from the identity of the ghost hunter's ghost hunting son, who went to Casper high and had terrible grades in everything but science; the kid who was shoved into lockers and who was addicted to Nasty Burger and played DOOMED with his friends and who wanted to be an astronaut. He accepted that he had to leave that all behind, and be full ghost in all but form. His parents wouldn't want him if they knew everything he lied about, anyways. He didn't actually deserve the name Fenton.
His new Haunt would preferably be in a place where he could reasonably pass himself off as another species, then, and still be safe. Safer than being a ghost at least. Most universes had well-deserved folklore against the Realms. His people are not inherently malevolent...But he knows that they don't play nice and careful with the living.
He would need an ectoplasm rich environment, too. A big city with lots of crime would go a long way for providing the ambient death and fear vibes that would attract Blobs like a bee to nectar. It would also make it feel like the Infinite Realms - hopefully. He's gotten accustomed to that kind of environment. He thinks he may never sleep again in a place quiet and safe.
He'd like a place with a rich history too. Just for fun!
Danny mulls it over carefully, narrowing down universes he could reasonably start his search in. The only universe he can think of with extensive protections for the non-human written into law is one far-flung flavor of an Earth he's semi-familiar with. He's been there twice, both at 16, just starting out and stressed to hell and back with the sheer load of unattended problems Pariah left to rot.
Both times he'd been more than he'd have liked. One Ra's Al Ghul wasn't technically his problem. He was no one's problem now, and that was current Danny's whole issue with it.
John Constantine is an unlamented saint for putting up with a feral teenaged Danny's slap dash attempt at helping the both of them - John with his soul related doom, and Danny with his paperwork related misery.
But. Considering how he handled the contract with Al Ghul, Danny can't blame John for hesitating to renegotiate their terms already. Ra's Al Ghul was an idiot who gave him what he thought was the life of his grandson, in exchange for immortality.
Him. The Prince of the Dead. Immortality.
Thankfully, the wording was imprecise. What he actually traded was the kid's really cool sword - the kid kneeling, terrified eyes meeting his before darting away, offering his own sword to let Danny slit his throat and "collect his due sacrifice", Danny not being able to breathe through his own fear - for pure ectoplasm, with instruction to drink it everyday until he ran out.
This of course killed even him months later from over-exposure.
The man probably felt a mile high in the air, indestructible, right up until he crashed. Al Ghul promptly became a ghost. Which. Closest thing to true immortality the Prince of the Dead could offer him. He kept his end of the deal. It's not his fault that Al Ghul never specified that he didn't want to die to be immortal. It's also not his fault that Al Ghul had so many dead enemies and victims on the other side who were easy to find. It was ridiculously easy - they made a support group around being taken down by the LOA. And who was he to deny the dead their due vengeance?
Right. So John is understandably nervous about Danny owning all the pieces of his soul, no matter how much rapport they've built these past three years. Danny is mature enough to admit that it is his fault for that bit.
On the bright side for Danny, that means one grumpy occult detective in a sad trenchcoat is a guy who lives in his phone. Like an uncle-shaped tamagachi!
He scrolls though his contact list until he thumbs John's number. Surprisingly, instead of going to voicemail, he picks up on the first ring.
"Before you ask, yes I'm cashing in a favor, finally. No, it's nothing evil, I've just got the first actual free time I've had in five years and I'd like to get suggestions on a city to move to."
-------------------
John ended up giving a very detailed list in response. Suspiciously detailed, and hardly prompted. How long had John been thinking on this? And why?
Danny chalked it up to the man's reasonable paranoia when it came to him. John's aware he can pretend to be (fully) human with relative ease, afterall. And the older man knows where he'd need to be able to actually live long term. After-live. Whatever. Point is, John probably made it his business to know where any sneaky invasions would start if Danny ever became a little less morally ambiguous and a little more bloodthirsty.
Entirely fair! Pariah wasn't always a tyrant!
On the very top was Gotham, a city in this world's Jersey, and the crime capitol of the States. Plenty of ambient ectoplasm, and planty of charged emotions wafting from every street corner. He doesn't voice this, but Danny figures that there must be a whole community of ghosts already living there because of that double whammy.
Something about the city's name tickles his memory, but can't quite pin it down. If it was important he'd have remembered. Right?
John is thrown when he asks about his options of other non-humans Danny could reasonably get away with impersonating.
"And why," the occultist half-accuses, "would you of all spooks, want to live in Gotham, as a 'vacation', just to not even pretend to be normal?"
"First of all, ow. John you know just because someone is different doesn't mean they're not normal. I thought you were the cool uncle." He responds half-heartedly. Danny bites his bottom lip, rolling it between his sharp teeth as he tries to think of a part two to that answer that wouldn't get uncomfortably personal.
John doesn't rise to his bait. Danny hears him unscrew something metallic, then the sound of fluid swishing quietly from the other end. Ah.
The silence wears on. Danny should hang up. But winging things have always gotten him into bigger trouble. And John is the guy to call for this. Fuck. And he's bad at lying bold-faced.
Fine.
"I'm half human," Danny responds as if that would explain everything. It doesn't, so he manages to continue in a small voice that he doesn't even remember the last time he'd used. "Sometimes I still pretend to be one when I can't see any other way. But I had my chance at playing the part of both. And I royally screwed it up, literally! I became freaking royalty and I just couldn't anymore. As far as anyone but my doctor is concerned, I'm full ghost. I had a chance - I don't deserve another one. Screw ups don't get nice things."
John takes another swig from his flask, mutters something under his breath that sounds vaguely like 'of course he's a fecking halfa'. His voice is rough around the edges from whatever cheap booze he just drank a concerning amount of.
"Listen. Sounds like you've got trauma dripping from your ears, kid. But what's the point here, huh? Sounds like you want to be human without all the fuss of it." John drawls out.
Danny takes a deep breath in through his nose. He tries to fight down the feeling of being peeled open for the world to see - being afraid isn't helpful right now. He needs to be silly, nonchalant, like he's always been with John in tense situations. Why do they only talk when things are tense, anyways?
"Essentially. It's more like. I want to have all the human experiences I missed out on, but without having to hide being inhuman. That kinda thing."
"And you can't just be a ghost?"
"I really don't think anyone likes being ghosted."
"Don't you start on that. You know what I mean, Princeling."
"Fine. No, I can't be a ghost. That's boring and no one likes being haunted."
John gives a long sigh. After a beat, he acquiesces. "Alright. You could pull off vamps damn well. Got the hair for 'em. The teeth and claws are only slightly off. There's several clans with different looks the same way humans have ethnicities. Although, I don't think that's the same, now that I'm thinking about it. But subspecies doesn't fit either."
Danny hums, tilting his head in thought. "Like the difference between a banshee and a specter?"
"Yeah, like that. All vamps, just different enough, and no kind older than another to say they're the 'main' species." John clarifies. Another pause. "Unless you count Halfas. Which. Some people do but shouldn't. Bloody idiots."
Danny startles, nearly dropping his phone. "Excuse me?"
John snorts. "What? You didn't know?"
"Musta missed that part in the complimentary instruction manual they gave me for having my molecules redecorated." He snarks. "What do you mean I'm already a vampire?"
"I said people who don't know what they're talking about count Halfas as the original vampires. You lot have been around since the bloody dawn of time, it seems." John sounds exasperated.
"That's not what I - never have I ever wanted to take a chomp on anyone's pulse point, what the fuck?"
John gets that smug tone in his voice that Danny has a love-hate relationship with. "And exactly how many undead folks do you hang out with when you're feeling peckish?"
"...you can't be serious." Danny says instead of denying him. What can he even say to that? He's never met a Revenant or Ghoul.
"As the grave, I'm afraid."
When Danny doesn't outwardly respond for too many beats, John takes another chug. "Phantom?"
"John." He begins, pinching the bridge of his nose as more and more dots connect too cleanly for him. "You might be wrong."
"...What awful lore about your eldritch homeland is going to send me into my weekly crisis this time?" The detective groans out.
"Alright. So you know how part of my whole thing as the Prince makes it my job to stay aware of ectoplasmic diseases?"
John hums in acknowledgement, so Danny sucks in a deep breath. "Then you should know two things. One, that I've been to a few dimensions with vampires in them. And like you said, they're all different from each other. I didn't really pay much attention beyond helping the people survive these world-ending scenarios though.
Two, is that in each and every one of those realities, the vampirism was caused by a virus made by an Ancient - don't worry, they're gone. The disease itself is called False Halfa Syndrome. It was their attempt to weaponize Halfas back in Pariah's time."
"Oh shite." John says elegantly. "Bag o' shite!"
"Good luck on that crisis. Me too." Danny is hardly holding in hysterical laughter. "I can't believe Sam and Tucker were right about this. Holy shit."
"How in the world didn't you piece this together until now?!"
"I don't know! I just thought it was coincidence!"
"Bloody fucking hell, Phantom. Nevermind. You can play a vampire totally accurately because you are one. A ghost one." John growls. "Cause that just had to be a thing."
Danny carefully doesn't think about how Vlad might have legitimate claim to that vampiric aesthetic he's got going on. Instead, he's planning on stealing an aesthetic change for his own ruse.
"Nice. Should I know anything else while we're here?" He asks.
John gave a wry laugh, crackling over the phone's shitty old speakers. "About Gotham or your new undead existence?"
"Both." He says instantly. "Both is good."
"Gotham has vigilantes. The birds and bats are efficient, and they spook easy at unknowns. Batman's technically my coworker if we're gonna call the Justice League a job - we don't get paid for this. He and his family deal with the craziest lineup of human rogues I've ever had the displeasure. It's made him a healthy amount of paranoid. If you're doing anything nefarious, he'll find you. And then he'll call me."
Danny isn't exactly afraid of John. But Pariah wasn't afraid of Danny, either, so the halfa takes it seriously. Internally.
"Yeah yeah old man. You've got your eye on me and all that. Uh huh." He genuinely appreciates the warning, too, but messing with John is his bread and butter.
"Watch it, brat," John says with no real venom, unlike a moment ago. "Or I'll bring out the stakes."
"I take mine medium rare, thank you."
"Piss off."
"...About the vampirism?"
"Normal ghost bullshite applies. It's about the ecto, I think. You go absolutely nutters for the stuff in undead folk. Something about how ectoplasm interacts with the reanimated. Liminals are nutritious too, but I've been told it's the difference between cafeteria food and gourmet. One smells absolutely heavenly, the other is barely appetizing."
Oh Ancients is that why all his exes are Liminal? No, hold on, was part of the reason Vlad was so weird about him just ghost-vamp on ghost-vamp mutual hanger?
"What, I'm not the only Halfa in your life? John. I thought we had something special."
"Please don't make this weird. Do not flirt with me." John instantly scolds. "I know you're just being your little weird brand of playful, but I knew you when you were a kid shaped menace. C'mon."
Danny blinks. He didn't think he was flirting, but apparently he was. "Alright. Sorry, John."
There's a sudden crash on the other side of the phone. Followed by John's muffled cursing.
"Listen, I have to go. If you're serious about this I'll get you some good fakes. Text me with what you'd like your name to be." And then John hangs up. Danny smiles into the lingering silence.
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PhantomMenace: Dante Nightingale, pwetty please 0w0
God's Favorite Whore: That's the most main character name I've ever bloody seen.
God's Favorite Whore: You're from a dead family in Illinois, farm boy, meta. Had an accident at 14, with a near death experience for believability. You've also been missing since shortly after it. Anyone looking into you will think that's when you got "turned."
PhantomMenace: thats why your the cool uncle <3
God's Favorite Whore: This should count as another favor, don't you think?
PhantomMenace: Yup. I'll be nice
PhantomMenace: 💚 ~2/20 Favors until Soul Return~ 💚
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kickthecan-revolution · 3 days ago
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I had a major issue this morning with my long-term disability paycheck. It was less than a third of what I was expecting based on my conversations with the company and I was cutting it razor thin with what I was expecting.
In the past I would have absolutely lost my shit. I probably would have started yelling at people. I went outside, I took a deep breath and had a little talk with myself. “You are not poor and all alone, no one is trying to hurt you. No one is pulling the rug from underneath you. Those days are over. You don’t have to pawn anything, you don’t have to sell anything. That’s not your life anymore. You can figure this out, you just need to get some facts.”
I didn’t really believe any of that in my heart but fake it til you make it. I drank a big glass of water and then called the two companies involved. I spoke with the customer service reps respectfully. Asked a lot of questions, listened as carefully as I could. We finally got to an understanding - it’s a temporary fix until February but I’ll figure it out then.
I have some deep, irrational terror about being able to survive financially. I know it’s from watching my parents agonize and curl up into the fetal position for years over it, I never knew if we were ok or not. We were loved with money, it was the elixir of our parental relationships, almost the only thing we ever talked about. I never talk about it, my friends and family would consider it insane given I’m planning on retiring next year and I get it. (that is all locked up until next year). For them, it’s like Imelda Marcos worried about where her next pair of shoes is coming from (though I’m not quite that evil of a character). l feel uncomfortable writing about it here, I know people are struggling in real, not imagined ways but I use this as my journal so I’m going to keep doing that, as weird as it feels.
What I’m proud of is I didn’t lose my shit. I listened. I didn’t spiral, then rage. I was able to calm my mind and think a few things through, I didn’t immediately catastrophize. I worked *with* the people on the phone, they weren’t the enemy. They ended up being trustworthy. They helped.
This is big growth for me. To not expect others to hold my irrational fears at any level of engagement. The bigger healing is not feeling that trigger at all but I’ll get there. I will.
For now, I love you. I’m proud of you for not giving into your fear. You can take care of you, you have for such a long time.
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monstrousproductions · 1 day ago
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Impromptu book club! I want to know what yous have been reading this week 💕 For me, my week's looked a bit like this...
Currently Reading:
Mickey7 by Edward Ashton (audiobook performed by Katharine Chin and John Pirhalla) and Rendezvous with Rama by Arthur C. Clarke. I usually have a few more on the go so will start something else soon, too. I've got a Wob order coming on Monday so plenty to get my teeth into!
Recently finished:
The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss - had an absolute blast with this, and knew I was going to from the moment I picked it up and saw 600+ pages of tiny font with barely any margins and a map at the front. Bread and butter fantasy, relentlessly straight, white and male, but enormously good fun all the same.
Wool by Hugh Howey (audiobook performed by Susannah Harker) - far too long for the amount of story and some very ropey prose in parts. Sniffed around some interesting ideas but never really committed to any of them. Also no harm to Susannah Harker, who I know rightly can act and who has a lovely voice (she played Jane in the 1995 Pride & Prejudice!) but she is also very much an English person inexplicably cast to read a novel set in America, where every character is American. No, she cannot really do an American accent. No, that does not stop her from trying. Relentlessly.
The Vaster Wilds by Lauren Groff - picked this up at the library on a whim, knowing nothing about it. A servant girl escapes her colonial settlement in the 1600s and sets off into the wilderness alone, carrying her god with her in her heart. Beautiful writing in parts, insufferable writing in other parts - at one point she describes "seabirds with the bigness of pigeons" which had me rolling my eyes. But the beautiful parts are the majority, and I was left turning the story over in my head for days after finishing.
Binned Off:
Whalefall by Daniel Krauss - another library pick, morbidly overwritten, put down after just a few pages.
What about yous lot? Tell me everything 🍿🍿
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dat-town · 1 day ago
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so high school
Characters: Woonhak & female reader
Setting & genre: high school au, fluff
Summary: Woonhak decides to confess right after graduation before he loses his chance.
Warnings: nothing if a bit of cheesiness (and calling out Taesan) doesn't count
Words: 1.4k
Author’s note: happy bday to our giant baby! based on the prompt “wait, you knew?” “you haven’t exactly been discreet…”  from here; work title was just obvious, so i ended up using the Taylor Swift song instead
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Woonhak was going crazy.
He lost sight of you after Jaehyun shoved a huge bouquet of roses into his hands and insisted on taking a picture with ‘his baby’ because he was so proud that this day finally came. Woonhak however had bigger problems than taking terrible graduation pictures with him being half-distracted and his hyung’s dramatic ass looking like he was on the verge of crying for real. Sungho, being the supportive friend he was, still tried his best to take pictures of them until Woonhak decided he had enough.
“Okay, great, thanks, hyungs. Can you like… leave?” He blurted out, the words not coming out right in his hasty frustration and while Sungho was left speechless with a widened mouth, Jaehyun put a hand on his chest and faked a gasp. “I mean, to the BBQ place, jeez. I will catch up with you quickly. I just need to… uhm, do something real quick.”
There was no way he would tell his friends what he was about to do. They already babied him, god forbid they knew that he was about to confess to the girl he had liked the majority of his senior year. They would go on and on about how fast he grew up and all that. Or even worse! If you rejected him, they would turn the teasing into pity and comfort which would have been somehow worse even if appreciated. So no, Woonhak didn’t want anybody to know what he was planning not until, hopefully, he got himself a girlfriend he could brag about.
“Alright, but if you are late we get started on the food even if it’s your big day,” Jaehyun threatened at which Sungho rolled his eyes and thankfully whisked their big mouth friend away before he could further embarrass the tall boy in front of his high school classmates.
When Woonhak was finally left alone, he had his hands full with the flowers he got and a confession to make. He had half a mind to run after the guys to give them the bouquet to take with them but not wanting to lose more time he decided against it and headed to the classroom. Dropping everything he had onto his desk to collect them later he looked around in the room searching for your smile but he could only find some of your friends who were busy taking selfies to commemorate the big day.
“Hey, have you seen Y/N?” Woonhak walked up to Kyujin, worrying his lower lip between his teeth. He wasn’t sure that’s why or just the question in general that made the girl raise an eyebrow suspiciously at him. He didn’t dwell on it though, glad enough when she answered.
“Yeah, she left with her parents. They have a reservation and now they are running late because of the principal’s long ass speech,” Kyujin grimaced but Woonhak was already halfway out the door by the time she finished her explanation, yelling a quick ‘thanks’ back while starting to sprint down the corridors towards the parking lot.
He was going crazy for real. If he missed you, would that be a sign from the universe that he shouldn’t even try? He had it all planned out (okay, well, he was still a P, so it was rather an idea that came to him before bed the night before), he couldn’t give up like this. After all, he wasn’t Han Taesan for heaven’s sake to miss out on this chance and then turn it into a heart-wrecking love song. He won’t be. He would tell you now how he felt and if you didn’t feel the same way it wouldn’t be as awkward as it would have been if you had to see each other every day afterwards. But he would rather have that no matter how broken he would be than losing touch with you and having to wonder about the what ifs.
It seemed like luck was on his side though because the parking lot was just as crowded as the corridors and a long line of cars was waiting to leave. He caught a glimpse of your hair as you put your flowers into a car’s trunk.
Woonhak called out your name, yelled it loudly for the entire yard to hear when you got ready to get inside the backseat and at any other time he would have been embarrassed for his actions and the attention he got for his behavior but now he had more pressing matters at hand. It was worth it in the end because your movements halted and you turned towards him instead of getting into the car.
Needless to say Woonhak was panting by the time he made it in front of you. He really should have put more effort into his PE classes because his lack of stamina was showing but for that he made up with sheer determination and a blinding smile as he looked down on you.
“Hey, what’s the matter? What happened?” You spoke up with furrowed brows and gosh, you were so cute with confusion and a bit of concern written all over your face, Woonhak wanted to smooch you but he was getting a bit ahead of himself with that.
“Nothing, I just need to tell you something,” he stated, rushing the words out before he could lose the courage he was running on.
You looked at him with big doe eyes, questioning and curious and the boy was seriously so gone because he adored the way your cheeks rounded with a smile or the moles just under your eyes. You laughed even at his lamest jokes and played video games with him until late instead of scolding that he should have been studying. You lended him your notes without him having to ask and hell, he even thought that your handwriting was cute with those doodles you tended to draw in the corners of your notebook.
“Y/N…” Woonhak called your name before he took a deep breath and looked you in the eyes. “I like you!”
He declared it right in the middle of the parking lot in earshot of at least a dozen people including your parents. This certainly wasn’t how he planned it but he didn’t want to prolong it any further or he would have gone crazy for real.
“I thought you would never say anything,” you giggled but Woonhak was too nervous to process it right away.
“You don’t have to answer right now, I know it must be sudden‒” He started before his thoughts came to a screeching halt and his eyes widened like saucers. “Wait, what? You knew?” He gasped and his voice went octaves higher as he stuttered.
“Well, you haven’t been exactly discreet…” you smiled so sweetly but Woonhak’s thoughts had been going back to replay all your interactions. Had he really been that obvious? Was it because he kept giving you his plus one drinks from the corner convenience store even when there was no such discount in place? Or that he carried hair ties with him in case you forgot yours? Or was he staring too much? Too easy on you when you played? Oh jeez, what if he blushed near you?
But if you knew and didn’t say anything, was it because you didn’t like him and he set himself up to failure? Is it the part where you tell him it’s better to stay as good friends? Are you‒
“It’s okay. I like you too,” you said before Woonhak could have hyperventilated and you tiptoed closer to peck him chastly on the cheek. Your soft lips left a tingle in their wake and the boy could feel himself redden.
“Really?” He mumbled dumbly but you just kept smiling brightly.
“Really,” you confirmed and giggled when you heard your father clearing his throat. Oh, right, you were late. Woonhak felt a bit sheepish that he kept you up and hoped he didn’t earn negative points in your parents’ favor as you whispered that you had to go.
“Text me later,” you mouthed through the darkened window after you got into the car and Woonhak felt stupidly giddy, he couldn’t stop smiling even when Sungho called him whining that they would eat up all the meat at this rate. Fortune indeed favored the bold and the lovesick.
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twistedtummies2 · 2 days ago
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Top 5 Appearances of Jack Skellington
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Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! I decided to use this opportunity to dedicate a short countdown to a film I’m very thankful for: the stop-motion animation classic, “The Nightmare Before Christmas.” Why today? Several reasons: first, Thanksgiving falls right smack dab in the middle between Halloween and Christmas, as far as major American holidays go, so it seems a decent date, given the subject matter. Second, recently the movie enjoyed its 30th Anniversary, so that’s definitely something to celebrate. Third, its producer - and the man many agree is most responsible for the feature’s existence, Tim Burton - got his long-deserved star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame this very year. Fourth and finally, it is quite possibly my favorite movie, and certainly my favorite Disney movie. By that measure alone, I am supremely grateful for its existence, and so a day of Thanksgiving seems a good time to talk about it…and its main character. Initially, I was going to dedicate this list to the film as a whole, but after some deliberation, I decided to focus this countdown specifically on the main protagonist of the feature, Jack Skellington. Jack is an anomaly for a lot of reasons; he’s one of the few times - especially in a movie that now wears the Disney brand like a badge of honor - where the main character of the story really is my favorite one. He’s become almost as recognized as Mickey Mouse around the company, as their resident face of both Halloween AND Christmas. And as time has gone on, his popularity has only continued to rise. What’s great about Jack, and makes him so unique, is the way the character is both so complex and yet so simple, just like the film he’s from. This is also not taking into account the many dualities inherent to the character. He’s the Pumpkin King, the scariest soul in Halloween Town…yet he’s also a sweetheart and finds a sense of childlike wonder in the Christmas season. He’s a dapper, charismatic, theatrical, somewhat grandiloquent fellow…yet he’s also a complete goober, showing a great deal of naivete and not always thinking things through. He’s typically a nice guy who acts polite and friendly to most anyone he meets…but if you cross him the wrong way, or dare to hurt those he considers his friends, he’ll whoop you in a second without mercy. It’s this constant contrast of darkness and light, of the intellectual master of horror and the childlike innocent, that makes him so engaging and interesting. That, and the fact that - unique among Disney heroes especially - Jack kind of creates his own conflict in the story. Yes, Oogie Boogie is the nominal villain of the movie, but even he really only becomes a problem in the original film BECAUSE of Jack’s bad decisions. If you took Oogie out of the equation, Jack could ALMOST be considered a villain in his own right; thankfully, he realizes and learns from his mistake and is quick to make things right. I thought it would be fun to look at some of Jack’s appearances since the film, much as I have done with some of the great Disney Villains (coincidentally) in the past. Now, I can only count appearances I’m personally familiar with to some degree or another, so if any that YOU like are left out of the running, it’s most likely just because I haven’t read, seen, or played them yet. With that said, let’s celebrate Thanksgiving by looking at a character known for its surrounding holidays…forever proving, by extension, that this holiday is the middle child of the yuletide family. Ha Ha. These are My Top 5 Favorite Appearances from Jack Skellington!
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5. Pumpkin King AND The Battle For Pumpkin King.
Not only are the titles of these two pieces similar, but so are their purposes. “Pumpkin King” was a video game tie-in to TNBC, which acted as a prequel to the movie. It was released in 2005. Nearly two decades later, in 2023, Disney would release ANOTHER prequel spin-off, in the form of “The Battle For Pumpkin King;” a comic miniseries later reformatted into a graphic novel. Both of these prequels tell the story of how the rivalry between Jack and his arch-nemesis, Oogie Boogie, got started, each with their own unique twists to the concept. As far as the game goes, playing as Jack Skellington - using a variety of crazy gadgets to defeat Oogie and his goons - is obviously a major part of what makes the title appealing. The comic, meanwhile, goes even further in showing how Jack became the Pumpkin King to begin with, and presents a more dramatic and tragic arc for the two enemies, in my opinion. Having read and re-read the comic a couple times now, and compared it to the game…I don’t think either is really a perfect prequel. Each has their own pros and cons, in terms of how things started between the two and how they tie into the film itself. However, one thing I like about both is that each has a different spin on presenting Jack and setting up the character we know from the movie: in each tale, the conflict with Oogie results in some subtle foreshadowing and parallels to the misadventures Jack faces in the film. I’d recommend checking both out, in some form or another, and deciding which you prefer yourself.
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4. Twisted Wonderland.
Well, if you know me, you knew this had to be coming. I was over the moon when this Event was announced for the mobile game “Twisted Wonderland”: a game that is admittedly an acquired taste, but which I absolutely love to bits. For those who don’t know already, the premise of the game has the main character - the Player - being transported to an alternate universe, where they find themselves at a school of magic inspired by seven famous Disney Villains. Throughout the game, we encounter various characters based on these villains, along with other Disney characters…but it’s rare that we actually meet any of the original Disney figures themselves. When the Nightmare Before Christmas-themed Event for Halloween of 2024 - entitled “Lost in the Book with Tim Burton’s Nightmare Before Christmas” - was announced, it wasn’t too much of a surprise to learn that a new character would be introduced in the event: Skully J. Graves, based on Jack Skellington. What was much more startling was when we found out that not only would we get this new addition to the cast…but that the player and their allies for the outing would be traveling to Halloween Town itself to meet the ACTUAL Jack Skellington AT THE SAME TIME. For me, this was just mind-boggling: getting to see both the actual Jack AND a new character inspired by him in the same Event at the same time was never something I anticipated. The result did not disappoint: Jack is totally and completely in-character for the Event, and his interactions with the students of Night Raven College are a lot of fun. Skully, as well, is a very interesting character, and the twist about his true identity at the end was, I will confess, certainly unexpected. This isn’t an example that I imagine a lot of TNBC fans would place among their absolute favorite appearances for Jack, but it’s definitely a big one for me.
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3. Haunted Mansion Holiday.
This was Nightmare’s big arrival at the Parks, and it’s still one of the best things to come out of the film’s ever-rising popularity. In the early 2000s, Imagineers at Disneyland considered making a “Nightmare Before Christmas” attraction, but they weren’t sure how to go about it. The answer came in the form of a holiday overlay for the popular “Haunted Mansion” ride: ever since then, for a whole third of the year (almost half a year, if you count the time it takes to set it all up and then take it all down again), the Haunted Mansion is invaded by Jack Skellington and the denizens of Halloween Town, as they bring their own twisted Christmas delight to the home of the 999 Happy Haunts. While some people seem divided about this since-then-annual change to the famous attraction, most seem to enjoy both versions of the Haunted Mansion, and I am in agreement: the original ride is great on its own, and deserves to be enjoyed on its own terms (it’s my favorite ride at Disneyland), but the Holiday version with the TNBC cast is really fun and charming, too. Arguably the biggest highlight of the ride is Jack himself, most notably in the form of a magnificently-made animatronic of our favorite “Sandy Claws” that greets guests as they enter the graveyard for the ride’s finale. I used to be OBSESSED with this overlay, and I still love it a lot. I’m not the only one, either; the Holiday version remains popular, and has even been adopted into the Tokyo Disneyland Park. Japan has a huge following for TNBC…speaking of which…
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2. Oogie’s Revenge.
Released at the same time as the aforementioned “Pumpkin King,” this game (originally made in Japan, hence the segue) was a SEQUEL to the movie. And, just like “Pumpkin King,” it was considered canon by a lot of people for a long time, until recent printed work left that more ambiguous. (In this case a novel called “Long Live the Pumpkin Queen,” which I’ve yet to read.) The plot begins a little less than a year after the events of the film: Jack still feels dissatisfied with Halloween, but he’s thankfully learned that taking over other holidays is not a good idea. So, he instead ventures forth into the real world for a couple of months to basically do some brainstorming and find some inspiration to make his own holiday more interesting. When Jack returns (on Christmas Eve, what a shock), he discovers that Oogie Boogie has been resurrected and has taken over Halloween Town! When he learns that Oogie has plans to get revenge on Santa and become “The Seven Holidays King,” Jack has to find a way to take back his throne and undo all of Oogie’s evil schemes before Christmas morning. As far as Jack himself goes, the great boon this game has is the option of actually playing as Jack Skellington himself, and getting to use different forms of him with different powers to combat Oogie and his minions. Chris Sarandon - who has provided Jack’s speaking voice since the original film, and gets to SING for him, too, in this game (he ain’t half bad, either) - delivers all of the moods and sides of Jack throughout the story with his usual enthusiasm, and the chance to explore Halloween Town in such wild depth is really fun. The game itself seems to be one people love or hate; most agree it’s not the greatest game in the world (though most agree it’s also not terrible), but it seems to be a 50/50 split between people who overlook its flaws and enjoy it, and people who feel it’s a lackluster and overly bizarre spin-off to a classic picture. Personally, while I do see some issues with “Oogie’s Revenge,” I’ve always had a soft spot for this game, and I still do. It’s definitely one of Jack’s shining moments, in my personal opinion.
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1. Kingdom Hearts.
Given my love of the KH series as a whole, a lot of you probably saw this coming. However, I actually had a really hard time choosing between these games and “Oogie’s Revenge.” The greatest pro of “Oogie’s Revenge” is that Jack is the main character: you spend a lot of time with him, it’s all his story, and Chris Sarandon gets to sing as well as provide the voice in general. However, I think that - despite the fact Jack and his pals in Halloween Town (and Christmas Town) are only one small part of a much grander puzzle - the Kingdom Hearts series actually handles the character and his world slightly better…mostly just because of the writing. (And because they are better games, in general, when you really get down to it.) As far as Jack himself goes…honestly, I love how absolutely ADORABLE Jack is in the Kingdom Hearts universe. (How many undead skeletons can you call “adorable,” anyway? At the moment, I can only think of maybe four others…which is still a surprising number, honestly!) The games really lean hard into Jack’s childlike, exuberant, impulsive personality, but they also still give him elegance, charisma, and even touch onto a philosophical side we really haven’t seen anywhere else. Some of my favorite lines and moments in the games come from Jack, and of all the Disney allies Sora makes along the way, I think I enjoy his interactions with the Pumpkin King most of all. (He also isn’t too bad of a Party Member.) Sarandon delivers here just as powerfully as in Oogie’s Revenge, and a lot of the story-based elements I love about Jack’s character arc in OR are just as present in these games. Overall, while he may not be the star of the show, Jack is certainly a major highlight of these games. For me, and hopefully for many others, Kingdom Hearts will always be a shining moment in the King of Halloween’s career. It’s not an easy call, to be honest…but I’m gonna name Kingdom Hearts as My Favorite Appearance from Jack Skellington.
HONORABLE MENTIONS INCLUDE…
James and the Giant Peach.
While this is a totally non-canon appearance, Jack cameos as the leader of a band of skeleton pirates in this cult classic adaptation of the Roald Dahl story. I have no idea if this decision was made because of budget reasons or because Henry Selick (director of both TNBC and this film) was in a whimsical mood, but either way, it’s such a weird but fun one-off return.
Disney’s Not-So-Spooky Spectacular.
A fireworks show performed around Halloweentime at the Magic Kingdom in Walt Disney World. Jack acts as the host of the event, portrayed by a life-sized and absolutely immaculate puppet, crewed by multiple performers. This puppet has appeared in several other places since, including one of the “Nightmare Before Christmas Live” concerts!
What’s This? The Nightmare Before Christmas Sing-Along.
Performed every Christmastime at Disney’s Hollywood-MGM Studios, this combination of stage pantomime and sing-along concert to some of the songs from the film is hosted by Jack. Our favorite Pumpkin King is played by the same great puppet that appears in the “Not-So-Spooky Spectacular” fireworks show!
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sanguinewolves · 1 year ago
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ugh. at least at my exfathers house i was left alone most of the time idk
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ruporas · 2 years ago
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can’t talk about it
[ID: Black and white comic of Vash and Wolfwood from Trigun Maximum. The comic starts with the sounds "thud, thud, click". Vash, mid-action of peeling an apple, turns to the sound, noticing who it was that entered, and says, "Oh, Wolfwood, you're back." He resumes back to his apple in the next panel as he speaks, "Where'd you go? You snuck out of bed quickly this morning..." Wolfwood's hand then enters the panel, hovering over Vash's cheek and Vash looks up as Wolfwood asks, "Can I?" Vash responds, "Not going to talk about it?" while using a hand to gently hold Wolfwood's hovering hand and presses a kiss to his inner palm.
Vash then gets up fully, setting down the knife down on the table and the apple onto a plate, He leans into Wolfwood as Wolfwood explains, "Had to meet someone. Nothing interesting to talk about." Vash kisses Wolfwood's left cheek and a hand moves to cup his other cheek while muttering, "You're being vague." Wolfwood says neutrally, "If yer really that curious, keep askin'. We  can talk about that instead of doing this." Vash leans back and responds, "Let's talk after, since... You look so tired."
The panel pans to a close up of Wolfwood's downcast eyes, bags heavy underneath his eyes. He doesn't allow Vash to sit in that moment for long though, then saying, "Yer not helping, Spikey. Being all slow with it... I could fall asleep right now." He moves his hand to start unclasping Vash's coat, starting from his collar. Vash with red cheeks, responds briskly, "Oh, shut up. I'm worried about you. I can't be worried?"
The final shot shows Wolfwood's back to the viewer while Vash's softened expression can be seen as he holds gently onto the side of Wolfwood's face and a hand firm on his waist. Wolfwood responds, "I'm fine, seriously," pausing for a moment before continuing, "Is it okay to still..?" Vash responds, "Yeah, it's okay."
The next image is a shot from later that night after the previous comic. Vash and Wolfwood are now in bed, half naked. Wolfwood's buries his face into Vash's chest, his arms wrapped around him, while Vash is petting at his hair. Vash reminds him, "Hey. You said we'd talk about it." Wolfwood pauses for a moment before piping up, "In the morning? I'm sleepy." Vash says, "Okay..."
The next two pages start from the morning after. Wolfwood is already fully awake, pulling on his outer jacket as he says to Vash, whos' still bundled in his blankets, "Breakfast is on the table. Make sure to eat it. I'm going to grab some things in town and then we're leavin'. Got it?" Vash says, "Mh." Wolfwood responds, "Good. See ya in a bit." The dialogue starts to shift into Vash's inner thoughts now, as he gets up and eats toast, thinking, "Wait. Weren't we supposed to... talk about it?" The next shot then shows him fully up, meeting Wolfwood in town. He carries a half worried expression with him while Wolfwood slides on his glasses for him. A quick panel shows Wolfwood's tired expression from the night before and quickly juxtaposes with Wolfwood in front of him who's smiling gently, the shades covering his eye bags. Wolfwood asks him, "Still not awake yet?" Vash pauses, his thoughts stirring, thinking, "Oh. I guess I was getting ahead of myself... thinking you owe me that kind of honesty." He smiles at Wolfwood and responds, "I'm awake!" His thoughts continue, "Maybe one day, you'd trust me enough to share your burdens."
The final image shows Wolfwood pulling at Vash's cheek and Vash complains, "Owwwww why..." Wolfwood quickly says, "You were thinking something stupid, right? It's all over yer face." Vash mutters, "Nooo, I wasn't..." END ID]
#vashwood#trigun#trigun maximum#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#Theyre both thoroughly exhausted tired individuals -- vash having to fight this lonely battle for over a hundred years and getting dragged#back into inevitable situation with knives after a 2 years hiatus of being a gunslinger. they both need so much Rest and comfort in this#department... .SIGHS. BUT I JUST THINK ABOUT WOLFWOOD . AND HOW... LITTLE He has existed on no man's land. how majority of his years being#alive is being used as a weapon and to kill when him at his very core is the most giving and selfless individual ever#badlands rumble inspired me a bit but i do think wolfwood gets dragged into occasional tasks from the eye of michael while on his duty of#guiding vash -- or i think that one chapter where we got to see other members of eom -- there's like a clear division within the eom too#i think.... so i figured similarly to vash but not to the same amount -- there are people that look for wolfwood too. but most of the time#it's probably wolfwood that has to look for someone else and take them out. i feel like it happens ever so occasionally.#evidentially these two don't talk enough canonically but they always know how to express things properly to affirm that they're okay#they have the worst time ever sharing burdens - can't willingly burden the other and has neeever asked for help or reprieve in their#desperate situations... vw is a huge case of right person wrong time syndrome so they just. in the time they get to spend together -- even#if romantically - they don't have enough time to heal to get over that kind of hurdle. They've just never asked for help in all the years#they've been alive -- they don't even know how to and its just aughhhsgskg#and well! they don't even need to ask! because they'll be there for each other anyway at the end of the day -- company and presence alone.#ruporas art
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nightmareonpeachstreet · 8 months ago
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Sometimes u just gotta find things to distract you from Arlecchino until she comes out
Like decorating your teapot to be a family home for Arle, her wife Furina and their 3 kids, Lyney Lynette and Freminet
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varjopeura · 2 months ago
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#oh hey i just caught myself harboring Unnecessary Nightmare Scenarios#that last post made me think about how the only thing stopping me from getting another dog is money#like i could afford having a friend for savu. it would be no problem#BUT in a situation where i lost my partner and had to provide for the dogs by myself and they'd both get sick i'd be in deep trouble#which has sounded like a completely rational thing to be aware of. a completely valid reason for not getting another dog#except that is quite a few things that need to go wrong before the deep trouble would actually hit#and is that really the way i want to live my life? waiting for this relationship to end? accepting that eventually i will be left alone?#that my current life is nothing but a brief respite from a continuous struggle with both finances and illness? a glitch that will soon pass#it actually doesn't sound valid at all when i write it out like this#i have a partner who brings another stable paycheck into this household. i have no reason to believe this would change anytime soon#i have a wonderful dog that would probably benefit from having a friend#shelties are not super prone to any major lifelong diseases or such so it's unlikely the new dog would need constant expensive treatments#i think this thought pattern got a hold of me when savu got sick last spring#it was scary and unpleasant and i still feel raw around the edges after experiencing all of it#(the dog is fine by the way! definitely better these days and i'm super happy we got the surgery. we have many good years ahead of us still#but like. i'd like if my brain accepted 'this summer was scary and i'm not sure if i'm ready to possibly experience it with another dog'#instead of feeding me lies about a future where i'm all alone and desperately poor#but hey i've never caught this one before! now i know this thought pattern exists and can do something about it#sussitalk
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im-traumatised · 2 years ago
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When the joint pain so bad you can't even hold your phone for too long
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deus-ex-mona · 21 days ago
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winter 2k24, huh~~~~~~ _(:3 」∠)_
#aaaaaa it’s coming out just a few days before the major compilation album huh……#amz.jp preorders have already started huh… man.#im gonna wait till the inevitable ani.mate preorders start… i want the (inevitable) bonus comic aaaaaaaaaaa#i hope the bonus will be relatively(?) wholesome… unlike what’s probably in the actual manga u m.#i wonder if there will be another delay between the physical release and the digital release though…#anyways place your bets what do you think the cover of vol 2 will look like?#im guessing it’d be a redraw of one of the other chorus stills from the mv#maybe the one where she’s putting on makeup? since the flashback arc’s in this volume and all?#or maybe the ‘serves you right lol’ from the chorus with her fists by her chin?#(the second guess is ​mainly bc i think the series is gonna be 3 vols long and so one chorus still for each vol cover checks out right~?)#highly unlikely though lmaoooo since there are tons of good stills to pick from… she’s too cute#bc idk i really dont see the series dragging out for longer than 3 vols. esp since the flashback arc is already here#like. the protag’s flashback arcs usually appear some time around the climax of the story right?#so with the flashback in vol 2 that leaves enough time for a proper resolution in vol 3.#here’s to hoping that the chizuchan manga is able to have a better ending that whatever nonsense we got from the [redacted] anime lmao#i d k i just want to see chizuchan vibing with her friends and some resolution with renren and concon in vol 3 is that too much to ask—#then again this is the same manga that had the events of ch 4 and the first 2/3 of ch 5 take place#so there’s really no telling what’ll happen next…#in any case!!!!!! i’m terrified for ch 6 region lock release at the end of the month!!!!!#but… 160 pages long… hmmmmmm. does that mean that ch 8 (at least) will be short? ch 5 alone takes up a little over 1/4 of the pages…#and ch 6 was released in 4 parts on li.ne manga (like ch5)… so that’s prolly a long one too…#at this rate i think vol 2’s gonna come out before ch 7’s individual release… but… aaa.#i think i have the chizuchan manga’s on the brain a little too much for my own good. i should start charging it rent up there#a n y w a y s kimikawaii mv surpassed lxl’s hallokiss mv in views yayyyyyyyyy keep it up nagisakun down with lxl!!!!!!#aight that’s all from me for now. i think. i hope. yup. byeeeee#chizuutan chizpost
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lith-myathar · 7 months ago
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#i joke about it and all but like. i cannot emphasize enough what an impact it had on me to be uhhhhhb#micro-institutionalized in the way that i was for the first 14 years if my life#and i am honestly going to count the time i soent in ''elementary'' school bc it wasn't a normal school. it was a charter school#that began as a parent organized alternative and swiftly devolved into an authoritarian nightmare#a bunch of people who were simply not ready to educate children let alone ''problem'' children#of which there were MANY because that school got all the kids who had been turned out of public school for behavioral issues#there were hardline rules about literally everything. normal childhood behavior was pathologized and punished and as a kid#you had no way to understand WHY#and so many of your peers were having problems because ofc those ''problem'' kids were typically severely traumatized#or were actively being abused#so even if it wasn't happening TO you you were being exposed to it in a hundred little ways every day#so i was confused and miserable all the time AND was struggling academically bc i had undiagnosed adhd#(or possibly just trauma?? i honestly neither know nor care which came first at this point)#so my mom pulled me and my brother out. him at 11 and me at 6 and said ''i'll just do it myself'' and#raised us in a way that wasn't religious but resembled evangelical or lds stuff#i couldn't watch commercial tv or listen to popular music bc my parents didn't want me exposed to what they considered inappropriate#and while i still had extracurriculars i was always the odd one out bc i had no exposure to pop culture or normal socialization#for my age group#it resulted in me always feeling alone and like i didn't belong. and since most of my social life was my parents and their friends#that was the perfect soup for adultification#i was fine with adults. put me with my peers and i was a mess#it made the transition to high school incredibly difficult but i DID make it#but that was only 4 years still in an institution. everything began to unravel once i tried to move into anything resembling ''real life''#and then my dad's suicide which was a major trauma in early adulthood which only made my mom's grip on us tighten#i did get to START life until 26. not really. and it's just been a game of catch up for the last 5 years#and im so *angry* at the unfairness of it all. at the time and experience and milestones that were taken from me. at how i blamed myself#for it for so many years and the problems i developed because of it all. dissociation and substance abuse and suicidality#the fear that still has a death grip on me#the courage required to just exist#it's *exhausting*
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kohakhearts · 1 year ago
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cons of going to a “good schoolTM”: insane workload, unbearable classmates, next to no support when you have any kind of extenuating circumstances Including literal hospitalization, etc
pros of going to a “good schoolTM”: the 9-5 lifestyle is genuinely a major improvement
#taylor.txt#the extenuating circumstances point was not me btw. i know someone who had his degree delayed an entire year because of two weeks in psych#we’re in a co-op program or else maybe it wouldve just been one semester but. lol#i hate it here…i hate it#but hey…at least i have the world’s shittiest health insurance!#some of my classmates say they dont feel like working full-time is easier than going to school full-time but it so is#for me. anyway. even when i fumbled my time management bad on the field and make no mistake i was incredibly busy plus i chose a field#notorious for Unpaid Overtime and Taking Your Work Home. even then. it was still easier than this#i would never do undergrad again. i loved everything i learned. i took interesting and awesome classes#but i would never ever do it again. miserable overworked spent most of it friendless until i got on the field#i have a friend who keeps being like idk how you did 4 physics classes this sem and im like girl we are education students…thats an average#semester for a physics major. how must THEY feel#also i have to say just you know. generally. ive worked full-time while living with my parents#AND while living alone. and 50 hours a week was incredibly manageable in the former arrangement. i even wrote and edited an entire novel#in the beginning stages of a pandemic while working 50 hours a week of retail and fast food hell. 40 hours full-time with weekends off#while living alone though? thats hard. i still managed to go to the gym almost every day#currently? i cant get out of bed in the morning. i am putting in 12 hour days and then goinng to bed unable to sleep because im so stressed#i have dreams about school. tangentially theres a really good marxist poem i read last year about this phenomenon in workers#ANYWAY. i have just 8 more days 4 exams 1 research paper and video project#i think i can pass and then thats it. my next semester is hell but just because scheduling the actual classes will be easy#and then i get to go back on the field and actually want to wake up every day. lol#and 8 days from now i will have my christmas shopping done and my apartment will be clean and i will be a fanfic writing machine#also my friends and i booked a demolition room so im sure that will be beneficial kfldjfldndks
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dancing-with-stars · 10 months ago
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guys. guys !!!!
#vanu is rambling#ok idk this is gonna b a happy post but i think there are lots of people who love me in this world. or at least enjoy my presence.#like i always always always ALWAYS doubt if my friends or family like me and in my head they all secretly hate me#but like for these past couple months things have been different.#i don’t feel so left out (like i usually do in groups) or alone.#like my friends genuinely want me there like they always ask me to go places with them. and i almost always say no because im so busy or#i just cant but they still ask me everytime. yesterday the whole group was calling and playing a game and i got a bunch of texts like hey#where are you u shud join the call it’s rly fun ! but i just couldn’t bring myself to talk to anyone at that moment.#today they were rly happy when i joined the call and idk it made me feel like. oh. maybe my friends do like me#and also i have two moods: i’m either super talkative or i go into my little shell and don’t say anything/add to a convo. and like during#those moments they’ll be like hey u ok? or they’ll just listen to me talk about ceramics and how fun it is or how much i hate eating pears#and like. we laugh so much together. like i have so much fun with all of them i love every single one of them omg#and scary thing is we might not even be friends after we start college. but yk what? that’s okay i don’t wanna think about that.#because like who cares? i’m not gonna let my fears ab the future ruin my friendships. i’ll always love them anyways. and we’ll always call.#i’m glad i met them. they’re all such beautiful and funny and amazing strong willed-people. they are my friends.#it’s just so crazy to me that they willingly want to spend time w me and are sad when i can’t. and they’re so understanding at the same time#they don’t get mad about it. and like they have mad eng last year in high school so much more enjoyable.#someone told me that this is ur last year do things so when you look back you don’t regret anything- so you can be proud of what you did#and my friends helped me with that. and like i still feel lonely the majority of the class because despite this there’s like a permanent#stain of sadness right there at the bottom of my heart. but they make the hard days more manageable.#like i’ve been on call with these people until ungodly hours at night just laughing and i go to sleep feeling a bit lighter.#they introduced me to the tech side of theater which i never thought i’d get into but here i am. they teach me silly facts and words in asl.#they taught me dances- knowing full well i SUCK at it- because we all had fun with it. theyve taught me it’s OKAY to be vulnerable in#friendships and that sometimes being open/yourself is quite literally the best thing you can do for your own soul and others. they’re cool#people really. really cool people
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designernishiki · 1 year ago
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im at the haruka + akiyama duo section of 5 now and i love it <3 both for the uncle/niece sort of dynamic they have and because i fucking love me a murder mystery baby
#weirdly very good choice of character to help haruka solve the crime and all that considering he#went to fucking law school amazingly enough#like. he’d actually know what the fuck he’s talking about despite how incompetent he seems on the surface fjddcjendgj#he’s actually got CREDENTIALS#anyway yeah also their dynamic is just very sweet and I’m so fucking glad two major characters finally got to meet like god I’ve been#WAITING#rambling#y5#im reserving my thoughts about mirei and that whole… situation…….until I have all the context possible at this point#cause imma be real I didn’t see what happened to her comin#so. god knows what else I haven’t seen yet that I’ll need to consider#so far though. as much as they’re emphasizing a lot right now her work ethic and dedication and etc for haruka to elevate her career and#etc etc etc and that being a very sentimental and kindhearted thing and whatnot. imma be real I still find it mostly bullshit#I mean. even mirei herself could’ve maybe believed she was doing all that for haruka’s sake alone but that doesn’t erase the fact that mirei#had a plan for haruka since day fuckin one (before that probably) and it had nothing to do with caring for her and her personal freedoms or#enjoyment in life or anything- she elevated haruka because she projected onto her BIG TIME and needed to redeem herself after failing#in the industry by living vicariously though a mini-mirei conditioned to think she wants all the things mirei wants#and so on and so on. like#it seems really sweet and giving of her that she’d do so much to take out that loan and what have you. but once you step back for a moment#and go wait a second. this isn’t what haruka even wanted in the first place. she hasn’t had personal freedom at all the past six months and#mirei taking her shopping and letting her choose between some clothes on her own (ONLY allowing designer brand though. obviously)#is an effective way of making haruka believe she has free will and is doing what she honestly wants to do#because god forbid she realizes that- yeah mirei has sacrificed a lot for me- but I never asked her to and becuase of it now I have massive#responsibilities and expectations to uphold. after all- how could she live with herself if she rejected what mirei worked so hard for#especially after mirei. you know. suddenly dies. (not saying that was part of her manipulation or something just saying that it plays into#it conveniently well- haruka REALLY couldn’t live with herself now if she didn’t win this contest and debut)#annnnyway. it’s very interesting. mirei is… very interesting#I said I wasn’t gonna comment on her yet but. oops
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